i think. i think i'm going to let go. shutter up another part and leave it alone. if one day it is to be reopened, then i'd suppose it'd give some comfort to my thoughts & dreams & wishes. but for now, i'm done with that chapter. it was a time when such thoughts, dreams & wishes were enough to give me comfort, especially when i felt so alone. for that i'm grateful. incredibly grateful. for that chapter changed a huge part of me. changed the way i see things. but now i fear i might be falling back into the same pattern of the past. and so i shall say goodbye, and perhaps find you again sometime down the road in the future

i could hold on to this forever really. because so far nothing has compared. but.. but i feel that everything else has changed, and yet all that this is remains rather stagnant. stagnant because of stubborness, because of blindness or because of i don't know what. shrugs. i'm not making sense again am i. hahaha. but the whole point of this.. is that i refuse to live in someone else's shadow anymore. i'm better than that.

and the funniest thing is.. the shadow isn't there anymore really, but just the outline that was so painstakingly sketched around where the shadow used to be. in a bid to curb the fleeting transient nature of a shadow, in a bid to remember the shadow for the wonders it held. and so sometimes it makes me feel like a fool. but it was good while it lasted